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I'm commenting here, and sorry, but I don't remember where I can load up the excel document (and how), so here goes. It's mikkels document I'm refering to.
ftp://pathologic:Trans2007@pathologic.thelxr.info
I've uploaded an updated version of the document with most of these changed (with the exception of those where I was uncertain)
here.
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Love the added text from the russian translation, didn't think that someody skipped some parts of it to start with.
I got suspecious because some of the translations were much shorter than the original.
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3-4: "Such" could be replaced with "these". See 5.
Yeah. I used "such" because that was what the automatic translations (see below) suggested, and it sounded fine to me. The question is whenever or not the description should speak in general terms, or if it should refer to the specific item in the user's possession. Most of the descriptions seem to be general, but if you prefer it otherwise, that's fine with me.
I've basically just ran the Russian text through an automatic translation service (
www.systran.co.uk is the best I've been able to find), and checked if there was anything missing from the english. The manual was also useful in this regard.
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5: Should the item really be plural? It's a description of AN item, not many.
It's like "pants", "glasses" or even "money". The word is always plural for overalls/coveralls. Or at least it's the most common way of writing it.
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6: "The vaccine causes slight damage the health of the user." TO should be added.
Right.
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10. Narcotic or narcotica? Narkotika in swedish.
Narcotic. See for instance
dictionary.com.
The Danish word is the same as the sweedish one.
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15. Improving/decreases/increases: Take one ending, -ing, or -es. "but they also increases hunger" could be "but at the same time increase/s hunger".
How does this look:
"Lemons are rich in vitamins, and slightly improve the efficiency of the immune system and decrease fatigue. But at the same time they increase hunger."
As far as I can tell (when I actually look it up), this is the correct form given that the subject is plural.
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16: I like your thinking! ^^
Thanks.
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26: Yes, it's hunchbacks, IIRC we were supposed to change all those to hunchbacks. Me wants the current glossary!
Ok.
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34: Probably feet, right?
That makes more sense, as far as I can see.
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35: Don't remember, where is this game mentioned otherwise?
I'm not sure at the moment.
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48: Don't write people on their noses, they can understand that gamma comes after alpha and beta!
What I meant was that there didn't seem to be any difference in effect, from the current translation, so that they appeared to be functionally equivalent.
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53: Nowadays?
Right, that sounds better.
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59: Yes, it should be. Useful in long range battles.
Ok.
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70: ?
Maybe it should say "still beating", instead of "still alive"?
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76-80: Blood sample is better.
Ok.
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88: Drinkable is abundant, yes.
Ok.
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90: Don't know.
I'm pretty sure that the expression, but not 100%.
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102: Esteem as much sounds strange, and even though there are more words in your translation, it's better.
Sorry, are you saying that you prefer "esteem" or what I wrote? I'm not sure I've understood this reply.
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110: Nimble sounds smaller than something human, so yes, it's a better choice.
Ok.
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111: It makes sense to me, and I understand is as cutting the body, not just the grass for example.
What I meant was, does cutting refer to cutting open the body: Disecting, operating, wounding, etc? Or simply to the act of cutting, which could include cutting off hair.
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131: We should check the glossary, as also with some other terms, like destroyers.
The glossary uses "marauders", but if I were to judge by the text, I'd say that "looters" is a better choice.
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132: It's "alchemy", you're not supposed to understand it! Seriously though, it's good at it is for me.
Ok.
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151: I haven't heard anyone use both of the current words, and the text doesn't make sense to me without knowing that it was "handed down". Don't understand the second part of the sentence.
I didn't know what "bequeathed" meant either, so I had to look it up.
With regards to the second part of the text, I believe it's trying to say that the remains/bones of "Bos Primigenius" makes up/forms/shapes the laws of the universe, but I'm not entirely sure.
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152: Your translation makes sense, don't know what "killer foundation" is supposed to mean, and how you translated the text.
Based on
this thread, "killer foundation" was a pun about the foundation for the Polyhedron, saying that it was both incredible and deadly at the same time. That was what I tried to convey.
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"The usual bit about health: you've changed many things so that it specifies "the user", which makes sense from a litterary point of view. Although perhaps it's the style of the creators to make it seem like you, the player, are the only person available to use things, perhaps to alienate or make it seem the more important. I would skip "the user".
Well, AFAIK, you can give such things to certain NPCs, so it makes sense to me not to make the text center too much around the player.
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Also in places like 98, "blood for transfusions" implies something about it being one of many, or a regular item, which I don't quite like. Skip the s-ending and we'll talk.
Ok.
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Random: I don't like some of the american spellings at all, like theater and anesthetics, but perhaps that's just me? I'm not american and still don't write many things like americans, and there are more people outside of america than in it. Most of the changes are 50-50, but some are killing me, like I already mentioned.
I've used american because Tsolaelia mentions that this was what was seemingly used (see
here). It doesn't matter to me if we use British, American english or any other variant, as long as we are consistant.
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The rest of the changes are good and I accept them. ^^
Thanks.